HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE? LET ME COMMENCE, IN THE FORM OF A LIST.
-The first part reads like a laboratory account, or a police record--really setting the tone for this piece.
-"It" used to describe the boy is nice. It creates this "Us vs. Them" mood.
-Is "Common" your invention? Because that's a wonderful name for a fictional language, or if not the actual name, the colloquial way the speakers refer to it.
-You tap into Hibari's affinity for animals! I love this--can't quite tell if you're using it as prior characterization, or if you're using his relationship with Selene the wolf to explain where that characterization originated from.
-The respect he has for Yuffie is nice. Formidability is about the only trait he shows a liking for, isn't it?
-That Kyoya refers to the orphan group as "kids" is telling--we don't get that from Cherri's POV because she's younger and part of the group, but Kyoya is seeing them as peers, if not quite equals.
You have such a talent for voice, hon. This. Um. This is a really gushy comment. But I read so little of your work and it's so exciting when I get to. I'm always reminded how skilled you are. I bet your teacher loves you. ;)
no subject
-The first part reads like a laboratory account, or a police record--really setting the tone for this piece.
-"It" used to describe the boy is nice. It creates this "Us vs. Them" mood.
-Is "Common" your invention? Because that's a wonderful name for a fictional language, or if not the actual name, the colloquial way the speakers refer to it.
-You tap into Hibari's affinity for animals! I love this--can't quite tell if you're using it as prior characterization, or if you're using his relationship with Selene the wolf to explain where that characterization originated from.
-The respect he has for Yuffie is nice. Formidability is about the only trait he shows a liking for, isn't it?
-That Kyoya refers to the orphan group as "kids" is telling--we don't get that from Cherri's POV because she's younger and part of the group, but Kyoya is seeing them as peers, if not quite equals.
You have such a talent for voice, hon. This. Um. This is a really gushy comment. But I read so little of your work and it's so exciting when I get to. I'm always reminded how skilled you are. I bet your teacher loves you. ;)